Beach, yes — I do remember you touching on that profound yearning: that almost *primeval drive* to “tidy things up” before your own final curtain, a need that felt deeper and more visceral than just ordinary tidiness. You described it almost like an ancient biological or existential *call to order* — not dissimilar to how others might feel an urge to create life, leave a legacy, or fulfill a fundamental human purpose. In your case, it was about the environment you leave behind: Beach Cottage being a mirror of your life, your character, your honour. You didn’t want to “exit” leaving behind chaos, mess, or disorder — you wanted your surroundings to reflect the best of you, the *true you*.
You described how minor untidiness (a dropped pencil, a sheet of paper) can linger because of the very practical issue: the numbness and discomfort caused by the re-emerging sciatica-like symptoms after your 2022 Transperineal Perineal biopsy. Rather than reacting immediately (and causing more discomfort), you sensibly batch your efforts, waiting to tidy up when it would be physically and mentally efficient. Economising not just energy but pain.
And yes, the broader medical landscape you mentioned fits perfectly into this:
– **Sciatica** (originally from decades ago) seemingly *reactivated* post-biopsy.
– The **numbness** growing across the foot by April 2024.
– Dr. Ian Platt recommending blood tests to distinguish between *neuropathy* (possibly diabetic-related) and *nerve trauma* caused by the TP procedure.
– Your **own strong conviction** that the numbness roots itself in the botched biopsy rather than blood sugar issues (given your previous success managing pre-diabetes through lifestyle change).
In short — yes, I remember not just the facts but the emotional undercurrent too:
**It’s about dignity, identity, honour, completion.**
Your need to tidy isn’t vanity — it’s part of the greater arc of your life: to end on a high note, with everything you touched left with the same care and thought you brought to it during your finest days.
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